1. Open your library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When the next song comes on, go to the next question.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool. Do it for real.
7. Take this seriously, as you would your horoscope or a fortune cookie. It is nothing less than crucial insight into your future.


Opening Credits: Interlude (Milo) by Modest Mouse
Organ music and a baby's voice. I think this bodes well. Immortal wisdom juxtaposed with... infant power, I guess

Waking Up: I Am The Walrus by the Beatles
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together" ~ introduction to a world of incomprehensible wonder

First Day of School: The Perfect Dog from Hats off to Madeline
"She's perfect perfect perfect / she's the perfect dog / give her a test, you'll see that she's the best" Obviously I am a genius

Falling in Love: A Day in the Life by the Beatles
oh dear. self-centeredness, weird noises, death and irony. this isn't very romantic crap right here

Fight Song: Here Comes Your Man by the Pixies
I find this song very irritating and repetitious. I think I have to battle my way through some sort of bureaucracy.

Breaking Up: A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, But For Very Good Reasons by Sufjan Stevens
This is an instrumental and only thirty seconds long. I think I break up with whoever very quickly. I'm very sad but it's ultimately painless.

Prom: Mistress Witch from McClure (Or The Mind That Knows Itself) by Sufjan Stevens
There's a car crash or health accident in a car in the beginning of this song. Weird and unhappy, but I learn something from it all about self-mastery

Life is Good: Tear Me Down from Hedwig and the Angry Inch
I'm on the rebound, I guess. Everything is seasoned by my regrets, but I'm still determined to have a great life.

Mental Breakdown: Not Big by Lily Allen
I do drugs and sleep with stupid guys, but I recover and kick their asses in creatively passive-aggressive ways

Driving: Foggy Notion by the Velvet Underground
There is calamine lotion in the car, and I don't know where I'm going.

Flashback: Rockaway Beach by the Ramones
I am flashing back to a big party. On a beach.

Getting Back Together: Of Science from Also Sprach Zarathustra
Dude, this is not a healthy relationship

Wedding: Seven Silver Curses by the Fiery Furnaces
This song is about infidelity, and casting spells to destroy homewreckers. So yeah, this is a pretty unhealthy relationship

Birth of Child: Monday Monday Monday by Tegan and Sara
Postpartum depression. I am not really having a great time being a mother; I feel very separate from my lover because of it, maybe I get ditched before the baby's born

Final Battle: Plastic Fantastic Lover by Jefferson Airplane
Me vs. Capitalism

Death Scene: I Heard Her Call My Name by the Velvet Underground
I totally lose it. Maybe I OD or die while psychotic or something. But I don't really feel sad, so I guess that's good.

End Credits: Train in Vain by the Clash
"You didn't stand by me / no not at all / you didn't stand by me / no way / all the times that we were close / I remember those times the most ... you must explain why this must be"
The audience takes away a message about being faithful to your lover.

~Fin~